Body meticulously shaped and sculpted by:
BIG K Cola http://www.kroger.com
Jack Daniel’s Tennessee whiskey http://www.jackdaniels.com
The entire Hershey Chocolate family (He’s not kidding!) http://www.hersheys.com
TWINKIES, CUPCAKES, DONETTES (powdered and chocolate), HO HOS, DING DONGS, ZINGERS, and Honey Buns http://www.hostess.com
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese http://www.youknowyouloveit.com
Fried Spam & Tomato Sandwiches http://www.spam.com
Yoo-hoo chocolate drink http://www.yoo-hoo.com/
Yarnell’s Premium Ice Cream http://www.yarnells.com
Kip extends a special thanks to the countless number of chickens, cows, hogs, and turkeys who were sacrificed in order to feed him. Kip assures you they have not died in vain, the size of his ass is proof their memory shall live on.
The Kipster recognizes Tobii as the leader in assistive technology. Headquartered in Sweden (Yes, the same people who brought you such entities like ABBA (Hey, don’t laugh. You know you’re rockin’ “Dancing Queen” on your iPod), IKEA, meatballs, and ultra-cool names such as Bjorn and Sven.), they have restored a higher morale and a welcome sense of individuality to thousands of quadriplegics around the world. This technology is invaluable to Kip’s wife, it keeps him occupied and out of her hair. Without it, he would drive her absolutely crazy.
Tobii PCEye Go
Tobii I-15 speech generating device (SGD)
Simply put, Dell computers are the best there is. Kip has been quoted as saying, “If it’s not a Dell it’s CRAP!” He often shouts this out unexpectedly with a Turret’s like spontaneity to no one in particular. This is a result of the night terrors that have plagued him for the last fifteen years. “It’s always the same, I’m stuck in a dark room filled with cheap computers. I start booting them up, one by one. And they never make it through the start up process! Then one machine will show “The Blue Screen of Death” and start this hideous, high-pitched chirping. Then another. Then another. It doesn’t stop ’til the whole room is vibrating from all the chirping. I reach out and turn off the main breaker. Everything stops. Then I fire ’em up again, one by one. I start tapping the F8 key to get it to boot from a CD. It never works. The room fills up with that damn chirping again. It’s horrible – the travesty of it all! I can’t escape it. The dream goes on and on ’til I wake up.” His wife and caregiver have been caught off guard on more than one occasion being startled out of a deep slumber only to find Kip sitting in his wheelchair, eyes glassy and dilated, a trickle of drool running out the side of his mouth, and staring at a retail ad filled with substandard computers.
To all you Apple snobs out there, Kip would be one also. Unfortunately, one of the few limitations of the Tobii EyeGo Pro is that it only works with Windows. Yes, he knows he can emulate the OS on an Apple machine, but the cost of acquiring the hardware to attempt an untested method is too expensive. Thus, The Kipster is forever marooned on a PC island dependent on the path of Swedish technology.
Dell Inspiron http://www.dell.com
Seriously???? Did you really expect to find something here?
Without the trach and ventilator, Kip would be six feet under (or existing only as a pile of ash stuffed in a forgotten coffee can in a pantry of a strange house hoping the owners don’t run out of the fresh coffee and get desperate).
The trach has given Kip yet another hole in his head. Despite having another orifice for the gray matter to escape, the trach has vastly improved his quality of life.
The Trilogy is a portable ventilator that has enabled The Kipster to remain mobile. He has traveled to exotic locations such as The Ballpark in Arlington to see his beloved Rangers play, to numerous concerts and shows, and to the men’s restroom at the Flora-Bama.
Kip sends out great big hugs to his Respiratory Therapist team: Angie, Kem, Lisa, Michelle, and Suzy.
Phillips Respironics Trilogy 100