Bad, Bad, Bad

Sorry, folks. After reading what I thought would be the final version of my story, I cannot bring myself to publish it. I’ve always joked about my writings being my own contribution to bad American literature. But, this story is terrible and, as a result, I have condemned it to my literature Purgatory – a vast wasteland filled with past ideas and writings wondering about awaiting their fate.  Will they be resurrected and given a new life, or will they be tossed into the fiery depths of my memory to be obliterated from existence? Only time will tell.

Alas, I cannot, in good conscience, take your three bucks for what I have marked as an inferior product unfit for public consumption. The good news is that Kroger has a sale on cottage cheese this week. You guessed it, a 16-ounce container is going for just a little under three dollars – much more fulfilling instead of settling for my cheese.

Copyright © 2016 Kipling A. Jackson

 

 

Watching You

“Watching You”, my new story, will be released on Friday, July 31st, 2016. It will be available in paperback and as an audio book – these formats will not be ready for purchase until late July or August. However, you can pre-order your ebook copy on Amazon.com now. Just click on the icon to the right.

Don’t have a Kindle? No Problem. Click on this link to download the free Kindle app.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/digital/fiona/kcp-landing-page?ie=UTF8&ref_=sv_kstore_4

Do you remember your first crush, most everyone’s had one, right? You remember feeling the warmth in your heart and your face flush bright red whenever you saw that one special person. Then, if you were lucky, they flashed you a smile, said “Hi”, and from that moment on you were hooked. You would do anything, it seemed, to make them acknowledge your presence. This would range from hours spent in front of the mirror debating with yourself about which outfit looked the best to instructing your goofy parents to drop you off far away from the school entrance so that no one could see you getting out of the family van (No, mom, I won’t kiss you goodbye!). The crush was a hellish roller-coaster filled with days of euphoria when your obsession noticed you and intense depression – even anger – when you’re ignored.

When you finally got home from school that day, you found out you couldn’t concentrate. Homework be damned, you had more important problems to deal with than figuring out what x was. Lying awake in bed, you didn’t fall asleep because you were too busy wondering what you did wrong.

Before class the next day, you discovered the reason you’d been overlooked: they were hanging out with their special person. Your heart was crushed by the sudden act of betrayal. Like most kids, in time, you would recover and go on with life.

You never forgot about the classmate who refused to accept the rejections. You remember hearing the rumors of a couple of stays at a psychiatric hospital. What happened to him? In today’s world,  information is so easy to come by, so you grab your smartphone and look him up. There, before your eyes is a picture of him; he seems to be well-adjusted and, judging from his clothes, you know he must be successful with his career. The images make a believer out of you, and you think he’s left those dark days far behind. But, your wisdom gained over the years interjects and tells you the pictures don’t tell the whole story –  they only show what the person wants you to see. Then you begin to ponder: what are they hiding? After all, everyone has their secrets.

My Sweetest Love,

Tonight, I sit here watching you in this busy restaurant laugh and gossip with your friends. You have no idea that I’ve followed you here. Except for a few fleeting encounters, my existence – in your eyes – remains, at best, a trivial one. I’m not a part of your world, and it seems like you don’t care. It drives me insane.

No one can ever love you as much as I do. I will never hurt you nor do you have anything to fear from me. I am your lover, protector, and savior. Why can’t you understand this?

I do have a confession to make.  I’ve been observing all aspects of your life to see what I can do to be a wonderful, future husband to you. I make sure I’m the first person that sees you in the morning. I’m there to welcome you home at the end of your day. I watch TV with you – your shows have now become my favorites. And when you go to bed at night, I always make sure you’re tucked in and safe. You see, I’m already a big part of your life, and you don’t even know it.

The possibility of living without me is not an alternative I want you to consider. Therefore, I’ll take responsibility and eliminate this as an option. You belong to me, and I shall stop at nothing to see this through. I won’t live without you, and I’ll make sure you’ll never live without me – that’s a promise.

Until the day you finally accept my everlasting love and devotion, I’ll be watching you.

Eternally yours,

J.

 

Article for MDA Arkansas Newsletter

A Tale of Two Lives

                What a mid-life crisis I had. Not even a month had passed after my fortieth birthday when I started to fall hard and often. The odd thing about it was that these falls would occur when I was walking normally with no obstacles in my path. One fall was so serious it sent me to the hospital with a concussion. It was this event that began my trek to an ALS diagnosis on July 3, 2012.

Part of accepting my fate, I believe, was looking at my life as two separate entities: my life before ALS and the life I am living now. In my past life, I was not the greatest person. An aggressive, over dramatic, quick tempered quality permeated my every move. I was not a very friendly person, the only time I really smiled was after having a couple of drinks. The best thing that ever happened to me was falling in love and marrying my best friend, Robin.

I do not let this diagnosis burden me. Yeah, sure it can be depressing to live with a terminal disease, but I have accepted this fact. I choose to live with ALS refusing to submit to the negativity this illness brings. ALS has taken my movement and my ability to eat and breathe, but it cannot touch my soul. My appreciation in the beauty of a new spring – ALS cannot touch this. My intense love for music and writing – ALS cannot touch this. My insatiable will to live – ALS cannot have this!

Technology is amazing. Since I am a quadriplegic, everything I do revolves around eye-gaze computing. For instance, I am writing this article on my Tobii I-15. I had a tracheotomy done recently and am being ventilated with the portable Trilogy. This is a great asset because I can go to the park with my wife and dog, Allie. With today’s technology, along with future developments, the quality of life for a pALS has never been better and will continue to improve.

I am happier than I have ever been in my life. This ordeal has brought my family closer together. More importantly, my now intimate relationship with God grows daily, and my faith is unbreakable.  It says there will be a cure someday – hopefully sooner rather than later.

Kipling A. Jackson 4/21/2014